"If you're going to hug me every time something bad happens in this story, we're not going to get anywhere."
"Fine by me." Steve's voice sounded odd, constricted.
Tony let himself drop his forehead against Steve's shoulder. It was nice. It was sappy and shouldn't matter half as much as it did, but it felt good to know Steve was there to hold him up even when he didn't know he needed it. When Steve eventually released him, Tony didn't meet his eyes. He wasn't exactly proud of this part, and he had a feeling Steve wouldn't like it much either.
"StarkIndustries was, uh. Was Howard's legacy. I never really made him proud, not the way the company did, and…even if he was dead, that was still…that was all I wanted. So I kept going. I made it bigger and better. I went international. I made weapons powerful enough to take down mountains. They called me the Merchant of Death, by the end of it, and I—look, if we're going to talk about this, I should probably get everything out there, over and done with before you read it in a tabloid somewhere—I was a, well, a pretty shitty person. I was a war profiteer, really, and I didn't care. I drank, partied, and fucked away any second thoughts."
He still didn't look up. He really didn't want to see Steve's reaction.
"I'd wake up, spend a few hours in the shop, hit a board meeting or two, get wasted, find a party, fuck someone, rinse and repeat. There were some award galas and business lunches and some charity events in there, but, um."
Steve was still sitting there. He was very still, but he wasn't running for the door. That was something. Tony pushed forward.
"Anyway. Someone decided I was too much of a loose cannon. I was in, uh, Afghanistan demonstrating the Jericho—last mass production weapon I ever designed, able to take out a mountain range—when my convoy was attacked. I got a bunch of soldiers killed, and they—the terrorists, well, Ten Rings grunts really, but it's sort of the same thing—they, um, well. Kidnapped me. I spent a while in captivity while they tried to, to convince me I should build them a Jericho. I told them no, obviously, but they didn't really take that well, mostly just made them up the ante, really, which is, you know—" Tony had to actively fight the urge to tap at the arc reactor. It was hidden under two shirts and a case cover to block the light, but he always felt its presence, now more than ever. "Nightmare material, I'm sure you can imagine."
Steve was hugging him again. Tony felt his hands digging into the back of Steve's shirt, and he realized somewhat absently that he was clinging. He let himself forget about it though, because Steve was clinging too, and that felt too good to let go of just yet. Steve's hand clasped the back of his neck, warm and steady and immeasurably calming.
"I'm so sorry, Tony." His words were soft, barely more than a whisper.
"Yeah, well. Important thing is, I didn't give in, so."
"No." Steve's answer was immediate and forceful, and he used the hand on Tony's neck to pull Tony back, make him look him in the eye. There was no disapproval there, no judgment or criticism for his litany of past mistakes, just a fierce determination to make Tony understand. "The important thing is that you're alive."
Arousal lit in him like a flash fire, fast and scorching. There was the familiar swooping sensation low in his stomach, but Tony had no experience with the immensity of it. He'd wanted plenty of people before, arousal was old hand at this point, but he'd never put much stock in if they wanted him back. If they consented, great, find a bed, if they didn't, fine, find another pretty face.
Tony had never wanted anyone so desperately in his life.
The ringing startled them both, and Steve removed his hand from Tony's neck sharply, as if he'd been burned.
"Sorry, that's—I have to…" Steve pulled out his phone, grimacing at it. "I have to. I'll be right back."
Steve stood and went into the hall, and Tony tried his best not to think about how the sudden departure felt like Steve's excuse to flee, or how Tony's fingertips still tingled with desire.
He wasn't gone long, but when Steve returned it was to make a beeline for his shoes.
"I'm so sorry, Tony, I know this is horrible timing, but I have a, uh, family emergency, I've got to go—"
"Where to?" Tony stood, arousal evaporating at the look on Steve's face. He was upset and conflicted, and Tony wanted to help. He stood, grabbing for and tugging on his shoes as well.
"What?" Steve was looking at him with a furrowed brow now, confusion etched across his features.
"I'll drive, I can afford the speeding tickets."
"Speeding…what do you mean?"
"You said emergency, didn't you?"
"Well, yes, but I can drive, I have my bike—"
"Steve, I don't know if you realize, but I don't just go around…" Tony made a frustrated, aborted gesture. "Talking, about things. I'm relatively sure that's the first time I've even said a couple of those words since it happened. The absolute least I can do for you is get you where you need to go, and I guarantee I can get you there faster than you could on your own."
Steve just watched him, unmoving. Tony fidgeted under his earnest gaze, and grabbed his keys instead.
"So, where are we going? Hospital, airport, what?"
"Tony, I…" Steve stepped forward, then back, indecisive. He seemed to give up on whatever it was he'd been trying to say, and ducked his head. "You can't come, Tony, I'm sorry."
"Oh. That's, um." Tony stepped back, putting his hands up in the universal sign of peace. "I'm being pushy, I didn't mean…yeah. Right, go do your, uh, family thing. Good luck with that."
"You're not pushy," Steve insisted, but he was glancing at the door, "Really, I…under any other circumstance I'd appreciate it, it's just, it's very complicated, everything is, and I really need to go, I'm sorry."
Then he was gone.
Tony stood in his living room, one shoe on, one shoe off, keys dangling in his hand, for a very long time. Eventually he gave the kind of sigh that make him sound a good decade older than he was, and threw the keys on the counter. He shook his other shoe off and picked up his phone, collapsing back on the couch.
"Look, Tony, I'm not in a great place to talk right now, I'm gonna have to call you ba—"
"I told him, Rhodey."
"What, that you love him?"
"Fuck no, are you insane?" Tony snapped. "You don't just fucking lay that on someone, not to mention I don't love him, I like him—"
"I do not have time for your bullshit right now man—"
"Okay, I maybe kind of might love him, but that's the not what I told him. I told him about the…thing."
"You—" There was static, and what sounded like gunfire. "What do you mean you told him, you mean you talked about it?"
"Was that gunfire?"
"Yeah, I got my first call to action." Rhodey grunted. "It's fine, I'm handling it, you don't get to say something like that and change the subject on me. Tony, you haven't said a word to anyone about this since it happened, are you telling me you had a full-fledged conversation with this guy about—oh fuck—"
The line cut out.
"JARVIS, where's the call?" Tony shot up, heading immediately into his room.
"Our uplink to SHIELD indicates that they are indeed on alert," JARVIS reported, "But at the time of the call, I did not think you would find it higher priority than your current preoccupation."
He supposed he probably wouldn't have; he'd had no way of knowing if Rhodey was in trouble then, and he would've just thought it was like any other call and been pissed at JARVIS for interrupting his moment with Steve.
"Alert where?" Tony headed straight for the back of his closet, unlocking and flipping open the disguised panel in the wall with practiced ease to pull out the suitcase suit.
"SHIELD headquarters itself, sir." JARVIS hesitated. "Sir, the precautions you've implemented against SHIELD infiltration are still untested, and heading directly for their base is perhaps not—"
"Rhodey's in trouble, J." Tony's tone brokered no argument. "We're going."
Tony hauled the suitcase out of the apartment and down the fire escape. Once he'd checked to be sure the alley was free of witnesses, he tossed it on the ground, grabbed the levers, and yanked. The suit assembled around him like a second skin and as the faceplate closed the HUD display lit up, welcoming him home.
